Advice

You should only be with someone who tells you they are crazy about you. Those are the exact words they need to use.

 When a guy says you should embrace your natural hair color, he doesn’t know what he’s talking about and you should keep going to the salon. 

People who say they like all music except for country, have clearly just not listened to the right country songs. 

more sound advice

Proof.

One of my jobs [that is sadly coming to an end, more on that later] is art teacher for elementary school kids. While they are not yet the Picasso's of the modern day world, they are pretty stinkin' creative. After they finish their projects, I let them have time to free draw because I always think it's interesting to see what they come up with when left to their own imaginations. Here is an example from one of my  five year olds:

Obviously proof that I'm a super great art teacher, amiright? This is a clam. While clams may not be a popular subject in art, someone has got to draw them, right? I was just happy she was thinking outside the box of puppies and hearts to the deep and mysterious world of shellfish.

#foodporn

foodporn [noun]: really super delish sounding and/or looking food. 

[If you look up the real definition of foodporn, it is a convoluted thing about making food so seductive it replaces sex. That is creepy and weird and also not how I mean it. #foodporn will be my feature on the super delish things we bake up in my kitchen.]

Let's start out with something easy for our first timers.

Chocolate Chip Waffle Cookies

Necessary Ingredients:

-Box of Chocolate Chip Cookie Mix

-Waffle Iron

Directions:

-Mix up cookie mix according to directions

-Pour some into waffle maker

-Close waffle maker let cook for one to two minutes.

-Eat.

The time you let cook depends on your individual waffle maker. The first batch we made we decided were a little soft. So we left them in for two minutes which gave them a nice golden outside.

The texture of these really changes up plain old chocolate chip cooks. And they look super f*#(ing adorable so you can take pictures of them and everyone thinks you're Julia Child/Rachael Ray/Martha Stewart the second.

Is it necessary to have this many chapsticks within reach?

Yes.

The answer is always yes.

[side note: As you can see above, I have a large collection of the Maybelline Baby Lips. They make your lips feel like buttaaa. And look like they would be lipstick but go on really, really sheer, and are just a tiny hint of color. Plus they smell AMAZE. This is only a fraction of the lip makeup collection I possess, so if you need any recommendations, I'm your girl. Also hot pink is totally in for lipsticks, according to every magazine. For once, I am actually ahead of a trend, instead of miles and miles behind. This never happens.]

The Missing Link

I have decided I know what this blog is missing. And that is: pictures! [And less rambling, but I will work on that later.] What good is a blog without pictures, everyone has been asking me? [No one has been asking me this out loud, but I know they are thinking it.] None! Introducing....drumroll please...NNaX! Now With More Pictures!

So good. I should go into advertising.

To kick things off, here is a picture of a few of my favorite things:

1. Number one favorite thing is Sugar Free Redbull. If my regular old life could be sponsored by Red Bull like all those pro athletes are, I would be golden. I mean, they need Red Bull energy to skate around on a piece of wood...I need Red Bull energy to make sure five children don't die when their parents aren't home. Pretty sure that's more important. Anyway, sugarfree only has ten calories and I have tried every energy drink everywhere and I just can't quit you, SFRB.

2. Another favorite thing is Real Simple. It is a magazine one might compare to Better Homes and Gardens, or maybe Martha Stewart Living. I have a secret housewife complex that drives me to read magazines like this [and grocery shop in five inch heels and bake and get super excited about a front row parking spot at Trader Joe's or the library.] I can't help it. It contains all the secrets of the universe that I will most likely almost definitely forget before I get myself into any situation in which these secrets may be applicable. My grandmother and I love this magazine.

3. Minnetonka softsole driving moccasins. Here is a mini history lesson, the reason Indians (native american kind) wore moccasins is because they didn't want to be barefoot all the time and step on bees that would sting their feet and because I think it was a lot hotter back then so probably the bottom of their feet was getting all burnt up. So they invented moccasins which didn't have real bottoms, like hard soles, to protect their feet. The reason they didn't just wear shoes or add on hard bottoms is because of how much they respect the earth and never wanted to stomp all over the flowers and grass and ruin them. Minnetonka still makes these moccasins [as well as hardsole ones if you want them] and while they are supposed to be for inside use, I wear mine all the time. I don't really care as much about stomping the ground to death as the Indians did, but I do love that story and I do love feeling like I'm not really wearing shoes, so these are one of my favorite things. Or I guess two of my favorite things, since shoes come in pairs.

4. The other favorite thing that you can't really see is: nature! I like to be outside, that might surprise some people. Especially on lovely days. I am a human, after all. This was the trail down in San Juan where I had some time just to sit and watch the horses and dogs go by and look at all the trees and plants and breathe fresh air.

Groupon, according to NNaX

[That's my self appointed acronym, if you didn't already guess.]

Groupon. By now, everyone who is everyone has heard of groupon and probably uses it. If you are no one, then you should know it is a website that gives you daily deals to stuff in your area. [Congratulations, you are now someone. You're welcome.] While I have never actually bought anything off groupon, I check it daily. Maybe it might be weird that I am writing this fan letter about it and have never actually purchased one. But... I know people who have. Because I make them. I should work for groupon; in fact, many people probably do think I work for groupon, judging by the amount of endorsements that come out of my mouth for it. It is divided into four main sections: Today's main daily deal, grouponNOW! deals, goods, and getaways.
       Once I saw a great groupon deal for a Vegas hotel. I knew my family, as well as a lot of other cheer families, needed to book a hotel for an upcoming cheer competition. I told everyone about it and presto, they booked a whole block of rooms. And then we went to vegas and stayed in them and our suite had a jacuzzi in the middle of the staircase.* And then on the last day I woke up to the sounds of someone hammering above me. And I went outside and there was a dude on the roof hammering things. At 8 a.m. Not cool. So when we got home, I complained to groupon and they gave me a 50 dollar gift card to groupon. I didn't even book the hotel under my credit card and they still gave me 50 bucks.
         Once my friend asked me a very important question that many working girls have to ask in these rough economic times: bikini wax or pedicure? What did I say? Groupon! On grouponNow deals, you can get super cheap beauty services if you go that day before a certain time. So she could totally get both. I know this because groupon once led me on an internet journey that led me to yelp which led me to this amazing nail place where you can get a spa pedicure AND manicure for 22 dollars and they never ask you questions like 'ohhh you sooo prettayy, why you no have boyfrenn?!?!' superloud in front of everyone.
         Some other super good deals I have found on here: roundtrip Catalina ferry tickets [30$], supercute mini donut maker [15$], tons of Newport boat rentals, Wine tasting in Laguna Beach with free bottle of wine to take home. They even have like plastic surgery type stuff.

*these are the things I packed to on said vegas trip. Just, you know, for reference.

*

Things I Apparently Cannot Tell The Difference Between

Cat/Badger/Possum.   See also Naked Mole Rat/Possum. See also Lost Puppy/Coyote.


Tonight on our way home from dinner, I said 'oh I wonder whose cat that is' as it disappeared  around the corner to my neighborhood. While thinking to myself, what a very mangy looking cat.

As we rounded the corner, I realized it may not be a cat, at which point I may or may not have started screaming 'BADGER! BADGER! I SEE A BADGER! THAT'S A BADGER!' to which I was asked 'what does a badger even look like?'

At which point I reconsidered and said 'oh that's right, we don't have badgers around here, POSSUM!!! IT'S A POSSUM!!! I KNOW IT'S A POSSUM BECAUSE ONE TRIED TO COME IN OUR HOUSE IN  NEW JERSEY THROUGH THE DOG DOOR!' While also thinking  that I have no idea what parts badgers are native to and that I may have made it up that we don't have them because I honestly don't know. I also may have thought, when said possum tried to come through the dog door in our New Jersey house, that  it was a naked mole rat. I may also, at that time, have started screaming 'MOLE RAT, A REAL LIVE NAKED MOLE RAT IN OUR HOUSE!!!!!!!'

I blame it on the fact that I'm supposed to wear my glasses at night but don't because I have conducted a very unscientific study that has led me to the conclusion that people don't pay as much attention/are not as nice and helpful to me when I wear my glasses,  as compared to when I DON'T wear my glasses.

I also use this theory to explain away the time that my friend and I, coming home one night, saw a really cute lost puppy that we tried to rescue and coax into our car until we realized that it was a coyote.

A super cute coyote, though.