Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Fun Suckers.

Let me take a minute to do some more complaining. [Complaining and day drinking; both hobbies I enjoy.]
School used to be so fun when I was a little kid. I was a pretty shy, chubby kid who wore a lot of leggings with oversize shirts that used to have these round circle things with a piece in the middle that you could put the corner of your shirt through to kind of cinch much fash, but it was the early nineties, cut me some slack. I also cut my hair super super short and on a sort of chubby little shy girl, that is not really the look that gets you places in life. But I digress.. Valentine's day used to be so fun when I was a kid..we got to spend time not doing math and making valentine's mailboxes for which everyone would put on their desk on v-day and get all their valentines dropped into. You were supposed to send one to everyone, but everyone knew you gave the biggest and best to the kids you liked the most and the boy you had a crush on. Sometimes you taped on extra candy.

...Now candy is the devil. You aren't even allowed to bring food product into school. And god forbid you ate a peanut in the last week, you're gonna need a HAZ-mat suit. You can tape an eraser to your valentines or nothing, basically. What kid wants an eraser for a holiday. Let me tell you, not many. This is Orange County, land of excess, where my kindergartners get ipad's for christmas [don't get me started on this]. An eraser is not going to impress anyone, sorry I'm not sorry for letting you know. If I was a mom, I'd be recommending temporary tattoo valentine's, it's the next best thing to candy. You also are given a list and DIRECTED that you must send one for each kid in the class even if one of them tries to dunk your child in a toilet or makes fun of them when their grandpa dies or steals all their pencils and shit. I know those kids. I have them in my classes. They don't deserve a tattoo valentine. They don't even deserve an eraser one. They deserve an empty mailbox or even better, a note from the mother saying 'I don't care if you're six, stop being such an asshole or I'll come to your house and beat up your mom.'  I personally feel that this everyone is equal and deserves equal everything sends the wrong message. It says hey kid, you can be a total douche your whole life and everyone will still give you a valentine because they have to. So don't ever change because you have no reason to. There is no incentive there.

This post just got way longer. It was originally intended to be about how I am an awesome baker and have learned how to make really cute cake pops and package them better than starbucks and I am not allowed to bring them to my students and make them like me and have their moms be jealous of me when they bring them home because of all these stupid newfangled rules that make it so I will get sued if someone's kid drops dead because two months ago I dropped a peanut on my counter and now their kid inhaled the .000000001 millisomething of peanut dust. Lawsuits are annoying and I know some people who sue people for everything even though really it's like come on, you've got to be kidding. Stop being such a douche. No one likes someone who sues people for every little thing. It makes them not want to be around you, because what if you read this and sued me for slander even though this is actually true because I watch you sue everyone. [Anyone who watched Real Housewives of Beverly Hills knows this is actually plausible.]

1 comment:

  1. i feel the SAME way. it used to make me crazy during student teaching and then was even worse when i was working upper staff at a day camp this summer. try monitoring what 250 kids are bringing in for snack and lunch on a daily basis!