Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Thoughts about sleeping

All my life I have been a sleeper. Naps, sleeping in...those are my things. I just must be one of those people who are generally a lot more tired than other people. So much so that when I was little, my mom was actually worried about me and I was tested for Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Which thankfully turned out to be negative, because in college, we covered that in one of my psych classes and man, I don't know how those people live their lives. I even used to talk,walk and carry on conversations with awake people, all in my sleep. Kind of like a creepy zombie. Except, you know, more cute and less dead.

I used to be a heavy sleeper. I could sleep through talking, earthquakes, movies, loud music. And I used to take naps upon naps. In fact, almost my entire senior year of high school, I would leave the class I had right after lunch to 'go to the nurse's' and really go to my car and take a nap before work. [I still got an A in that class, by the way.] I could come home and sleep for hours without it having any real effect on my nighttime sleeping schedule.

But then in college, a lot happened. A big, messy disaster and I suddenly couldn't sleep at all. This was even more awful because it was during a time when all I wanted to do was sleep, to escape and not have to think about or deal with the disaster that was my life. I was eventually prescribed sleeping pills, many different kids, each with various results. Like the one time my doctor put me on Ambien and I would wake up in entirely different outfits than I went to sleep in, eventually finding the clothes I was  wearing under my mattress a week later. Or the time I was allergic to one of the prescriptions. Or the time other ones had the opposite effect and I was as wide awake as an owl on redbull. Eventually, I found one I could work with that didn't leave me feeling groggy or leading a double life in my pharmacalogically induced sleep. And took it for a year and a half.

Ever since that time in my life, I don't nap. Like, really, almost never. Unless, I have been out super late and partying and not getting enough sleep and building up sleep debt. [Sleep debt is a real thing, look it up, people] And even then, I still have a hard time napping. And the most annoying thing, is that I have become a very light sleeper. If a light is turned on, if a TV or radio is on even the teensiest bit, if a dog barks, if my door is opened, if someone tries talking to me, if my phone goes off, I WILL wake up. And I will have a real tough time getting back to sleep. Because of this, because I am  such a light sleeper, I feel like I don't ever get into a really deep sleep. [Unless I'm super, crazy exhausted and tired.] And so I often wake up not feeling very rested. 

...And none of the above things were really necessary for the main point of this post, as usual my rambling has taken over. The main point of this post is that I set six alarms every morning. Is this normal? I can't be the only one who does this, right? I just cannot wake up all at once on the first try. I set my alarms for 6, 7, 8, 839, 9, 915. Sometimes I switch 915 for 730 if I feel like doing my hair in the morning. Sadly, that is not often. I feel  like waking up in stages helps my body adjust to the idea of eventually waking, and getting, up. However, I fully recognize that it could just be stressing my body and brain out, saying sleep, NO WAKE UP, just kidding sleep, WAKE UPPPP, more sleep....you get it. Could really be doing the opposite of what I want. But it's a system that so far works for me. 

And now, to my main point..This creates super weird dreams. I don't often dream but when I do, I have very very realistic seeming dreams. Sometimes they are super realistic real life happening things that I don't remember but get planted in my subconscious and then I think they really happened. Things like conversations with people I know or running errands that I haven't actually run in real life. My brain just thinks they've happened, even though later on, I realize it must have been a dream. I think it's because I sleep so lightly that I am having what they call 'lucid dreams.' But I am really no expert on dreams, so what the f*&% do I know. Those ones kind of make me feel like I'm going crazy though.  

But the past two days, I have had WEIRD dreams. Like in one  I was trying to get into this music festival but couldn't when all of a sudden someone puts their arm around me and it turns out to be MADONNA! And she takes me on stage and tells me to just be her backup dancer and it is just us performing on the stage. Like I just know the choreography sometime and there happen to not be any other dancers. And then after its over, she's just like, okay go enjoy the show, bye. ...And another dream, where I was in my old teacher, Mr. Trevino's class but it was somehow kind of like in college and there was a big dance coming up called the Welcome/Hello dance. And he decided he was going to choose who we went with and handed us all out cards with the persons name and picture and mine was like some kid who was really pale and video-gamerly and I was like uhhh a. I don't go to dances and b. who the heck is this person, I have never seen them before and I don't want to meet them. So then I just went to the dance but I snuck in through the roof and just sat in the rafters and watched and then went back to my dorm which was filled with a bunch of big black  gangster rapper guys smoking cigars on the patio around one of those glass patio tables and playing cards but they totally let me hang out with them. Even though it was actually my dorm anyway, and my patio. And I have had many other strange ones, but my mother says no one care about hearing your dreams unless you are in them and I also read somewhere that no one wants to hear your dreams unless they are about sex. So a. you are probably bored and/or skipped this last paragraph and b. the rest of the dreams I can remember don't involve you or sex. 

So, you know, sorry.

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