Sometimes I find myself wondering when I hired a five year old as my life coach.
Although I said I would share the undoing of my retail career next, I have decided to save that for another day. So we will move on to another job I have, part time art teacher [more on this later].
A more pressing topic is, just when did five and six year olds get so sassy?! I have a little first grader, I say little because she is supposed to be in kindergarten but they moved her up to first grade..I suspect this is not as much to do with her level of intelligence as much as her advanced social skills and sage wisdom. I'm surprised they didn't just make her a teacher. She has a very Buddhist take on life; if she doesn't feel like coming to art class, she just walks right on by and goes to the YMCA early. Except, you know, her parents pay for art class and expect her to show up there. And being in the wrong place at the wrong time could turn into a legal nightmare for the school and the district. But that doesn't faze her, not at all. On the occasions she decides to grace us with her presence, when the art gods must have spoken with her, she is full of advice for me:
BuddhaBaby: Hey Douglas! You got a boyfriend?
Me: You can't call me Douglas. You can call me Miss D or Miss Douglas, not..just Douglas. And no.
BuddhaBaby: (completely ignores the first part of what i've said) A husband?
BuddhaBaby: Don't you think it's time? I mean how old are you?
BuddhaBaby: DOUGLAS (i start to injerject) I MEAN, MISS D, YOU NEED A MAAAAN!
Me: It's not that easy.
BuddhaBaby: YEAH IT IS. MY MOM WAS MARRIED AND HAD MY BROTHER AT THAT AGE.
::Rest of the class chimes in with the stories of how their parents, too, were married by my age.::
Fast forward to the end of class, where BuddhaBaby's mom is late picking her up, so it's just me and her.
BuddhaBaby: But seriously, Miss D, like you need to find a boyfriend, or at least a husband. You should have one by next class so we can meet him.
Me: It's just not that simple. It's not that easy to meet the person you will marry. Where do you suggest I find this person?
BuddhaBaby: The ophthalmologist's office. You know, the eye doctor's.
BuddhaBaby: Oh, there's my mom, she's an opthalmaologist, bye!